What Do You Search For?

What do you search for in life?

Probably when you were 5, you did not look for anything other than looking forward for new toys, or barbies.

Then when you were 10, you probably wished elementary school is over, you looked forward to go to junior high.

Then when you were 17, things were pretty rough. You looked for popularity, girlfriends, boyfriends, and other superficial things that seemed to matter at that time.

Then you go to University. You look forward to have a brighter future.

You graduate, you look forward to settle for someone.

Nah, let’s do this my way.

I’m skipping the good old days since I found all those silly things I was looking for. Now that I’m going 24. I keep questioning myself, why do I look for in life? Why am I here?

You see, people have their own thoughts and plans. They have their own construction of thoughts, they have their own background and education that unconsciously shaped their mind and perspective and how they see things. And so do I. My parents never sat me down to talk about deep shit like this, but they show me. Like a child who tries to walk on his own, I do too. I fell, I got bruises here and everywhere, but I got up. I still do.

I look for serendipity. That peace of mind. That satisfaction of being who I am without having to be insecure and anxious. That self-assurance that I am who I am without having to justify myself to other people. Self-satisfaction.

I look for settling. That secure feeling, when you know you share the same dreams with someone and ready to tackle everything just to reach that top of the mountain. To fall back without having to be scared. To run without having to be afraid that you’ll fall behind. To settle the feelings. Settling for a job, for a place to live on my own. Settle.

I look for independence. Where I can do whatever I want, support myself financially and mentally.

Man, isn’t that deep?

I don’t get why there are still some people who are looking for superficial stuff like I myself looked for back on those days. Popularity, social-media fame. I don’t get why some guys are still listing up the girls they have fucked with and proud of it. I don’t get why some people are too scared to be responsible for other people that they choose to mess around without having to be responsible for anything. Life is full of responsibility and life is scary. What we have to do is just man up and stop being a coward and stop hiding behind the words because we all know words can not save us from anything.

I really hope you can find what you look for, whatever stages you are in right now. If you haven’t, please don’t give up and choose to play around instead. Keep looking and keep searching.