Settling

To settle or not to settle? Seems to be a question I have been asking myself for the past, lets say, a year? Oh well. I believe I’m not the only person on earth who has been asking that type of question. I bet billions of people, both males or females, are asking the same question at the moment. Especially those people who are in the same age as I am.

My sister got married last November. Despite all the shitty drama we had to go through, they made it. They have settled. There has been some family events since that wedding day, and yes, you guess it right, I, now, am the one who gets all the stupid question about my turn. Not only I think the question is stupid, but I also think its irrelevant. Cos, mate, who do you think I am? Do you think I have some sort of power to know the future?

Anyhow, no, this is not the post about how annoying and maddening those type of questions are. I am going to talk about what I have written in the beginning of this post: to settle or not to settle? (and no, this is not about a case in the court, for fuck sake)

I have been single for almost 3 years now. My mom is worried to the extent that it is infuriating sometime. But I get it, I get why she’s so worried and anxious about it. It is definitely related to the fact that first, I am a woman, I have scary clock called biological clock, you know the reproductive system and all biological things you name it. Second, she’s scared that we she leaves, I’ll be left alone with no life cos ever since my Dad passed away, it has just been my Mum and I. I honestly have passed the point of pleasing my Mum in this matter.

Settling is not about pleasing others even the people you want to please is your own Mum Settling is all about necessity. Our own necessity.

Do I feel like its time for me to settle?

Truthfully, yeah, its not like I’m lonely and so solitary that I want to have someone, but its just, I think it would be nice to be able to settle with someone. To be safe and secured. I am completely aware that you probably won’t necessarily feel safe and secured when you settle with someone, but a part of you will certainly do.

I have this friend of mine, he doesn’t seem to have even a slight thought about settling anytime soon. I wonder what goes through his mind. Is he contained with what he has right now? Note to yourself that when I refer to “he”, it doesn’t mean that I’m actually referring to a “he”.

I mean, should we settle at the end of the day? Settling would cause a lot of trouble, wouldn’t it? Its not that hard to be faithful, this question doesn’t come up because of human tendency to be unfaithful. No. This question comes to the surface because our needs. Or even our desire.

I want to settle. But with the right one. I want to settle, but I don’t think this is the right timing. I haven’t found it. I haven’t had it, the urgency to settle.

I have someone in mind, whom I think would be really nice to settle with.

But what happen if we settle? Will we lose what we have right now? Cos What we have right now is more than enough. What we have might be even more magical than what we might have when we settle.