Which Way to Rome?

Hey! so today i was chilling with my laptop and scrolling thru my ask.fm feed, dan ternyata lagi ada pengumuman SNMPTN Undangan. Then my mind automatically went back like about 3 years a go when i actually was doing the same thing. so i guess, making a post about flashback moments wont hurt at all, right? So here we go, but first of all, congratulations for all of you adek-adek yang keterima Undangan di PTN yang diidam-idamkan.

So, back then in high school, my high school was pretty much tight, it was well-knows to be the best public school in Bandung. And correct me if im wrong, but most people who go there have this odd obsession to major engineering like its the only cool major in the world. Well, i was too, i used to have a huge obsession to major mechanical engineering. So the story begins here. 3 years ago, i was in the 12th grade of high school, and it was the hardest year of highschool because at the end of the year, we had to go thru several exams which later would determine which university we would go to. For the very first time, di tahunku there's a program called "SNMPTN Undangan", well basically program pemerintah ini berarti The university invited the bright students from around the country untuk masuk ke universitas tersebut, dilihat dari their report card. karena ada quota, jadi waktu tahunku, hanya 70% dari tiap kelas yang diambil untuk diikut-sertakan dalam SNMPTN Undangan. Jadi the school sorted every student di tiap kelas, dan the school ranked it, lalu diambil 70%-nya. Sialnya, i was in International Class. We had a totally different grade, dalam artian standar soal dan lain-lainnya beda tapi tetap mengikuti aturan awal 70%. And i was crappy back then in high school, so i wasnt in that 70% people. so most of my friends got that freeway ticket and they signed up for (mostly) ITB or Bandung Institute of Technology. 

After few months, the result came up. I wasnt pretty much excited because why should i? I wasnt in the list tho. But let me tell you, it broke my heart to tiny little pieces to see most of my friends tweeted, or even twitpic-ed it on twitter that they got into the university that they wanted. even though they said encouraging stuff for us, that still had long way to go, it still broke my heart, i felt anger and sad. but i still had hope, thru the regular test.

So i studied hard, very very hard. i even didnt care about my social life anymore at that time. All i did was studying, lessons, practicing, solving some written problems and stuff. But then still, i failed the test. 

I was even devastated once i failed on the test too. I went to Parahyangan Catholic University at the end, majoring chemical engineering til now. And it still breaks my heart a little every time i remember this. How i worked my ass off everyday at school, never missed any class, studied every night but then i didnt get the SNMPTN Undangan, seeing my lazy friends are mostly in ITB make everything even harder. I had to adjust myself once i got to Unpar becos it was a totally different environment. It was hard, seriously.  But here i am, writing this to all of you, im still struggling but i know i will survive.

my point is

rencana yang kamu punya gak selalu berjalan sesuai dengan yang kamu mau. i failed twice! and i dont know, somehow i survive tho. i was narrow minded back then. untuk anak ITB, atau UI yang baca ini, when i say "jalan sukses gak hanya dari ITB atau UI atau PTN secara general" mungkin akan banyak yang nyiyir, right? but never mind, for me, jalan sukses bukan dari PTN tempat kita kuliah, tapi dari kita sendiri dan dari jalan yang di atas. 

So if you got the invitation, yay, congratulations!

Dan buat yang engga, here's the thing, masih ada jalur biasa, dimana memang butuh extra fucking effort but once you got it, akan beribu kali lipat memuaskan dibandingkan undangan, right?

And if you go back here few months from now, lalu gak keterima tes juga (seperti aku), well, dont worry my dear, you will finally realize kalo masuk PTN bergengsi itu memang "sesuatu" but not "segalanya" its something but not everything. Trust me, cos ive been there and actually living it. Kalo kamu anak negri, dan masuk ke PTS, you will have this ability to adapt. You may not be as cool as anak-anak ITB dengan Jahim-nya atau anak UI dengan Jakun-nya but sekali lagi, its not everything. Contoh, dulu waktu di SMAN 3, Chinese people are minority, when i got to Unpar, Chinese people are the majority, it was really hard to adapt since most of them are very uptight but i managed to adapt. sampe sekarang, if my friends from ITB come to Unpar, for having a lunch or something, i can see that they are uncomfortable with the situation. that is my point. 

So yeap, banyak jalan menuju roma, the thing is, which one? You decide. Jangan putus semangat, and keep the flames up! err i dont even know if such phrase exist :)

I will come up with other stories on my next post, and will start posting regulary every week.

Regards,

Evyta

Hai! Selamat Malam! Setelah lumayan agak lama gak pernah menulis sesuatu disini, malam ini aku kembali merasakan the urge to write something. Hehehe. 

where have i been?

nowhere. aku masih disini saja, bergulat dengan semua kegiatan kuliah yang makin hari makin menjengkelkan. masih aman-aman saja disini. Dari Senin-Minggu terus-terusan kuliah, praktikum, tugas, skripsi, dan hal-hal lainnya yang tentunya seputar kuliah. 

how's your family?

they are good. 

how's your friends?

you mean how's my only friend? hahahaha. temanku satu-satunya yang setia, selalu ada, namanya Ayu. Kenal sejak SMA, mulai dekat saat kuliah, and been a soulmate since then. Baik, dia baik, we  both are fine and still trying to hold on.

how's your social life?

BURUK. sangat buruk. hahahaha. well i put "hahahahah" just to make sure i dont sound so pathetic here. ya, begitulah. kehidupan sosialku makin buruk aja. jadi belakangan, aku sering buka situs media sosial yang lagi digemari remaja-remaja: ask.fm. dimulai dari kegemaran liat-liat dan answering random questions gitu, aku mulai sadar aja, kalo jaman sekarang kehidupan sosial orang-orang kisaran 17-22 tahun itu sangat-sangat-sangat jauh dari kehidupan sosial yang aku punya. MAN, I BARELY GO OUT SINCE I GOT INTO UNI. 

how do you feel about that?

DEPRESSED. well, bukan mau mengeluh. tapi di jurusanku sekarang, teman-temanku ini super duper study-oriented. memang, solusinya aku harus main keluar, cari komunitas baru dan lain lain. tapi tetap rasanya gak bisa, dan gak tau gak bisa karena apa. gak bisa sih menyalahkan yang namanya kesibukan, tugas dan lain-lain karena toh banyak juga anak kuliahan dengan beban kuliah yang lebih baik dariku punya kehidupan sosial yang lebih baik. so what should i do? i dont know.

hahaha jadi yah, seputar itu masalah yang ingin aku ceritakan disini malam ini. MAN IM SO DEPRESSED. i feel angry all the time. rasanya gak puas setiap saat, angry all the time, feel lonely all the time. there's so many things i wanna do but it just feels like i cant ever do that. akan sangat bisa dimaklum aja kalau misal my social life is crappy but i accomplish something good academically. but, NO. kuliah standar aja, social life juga standar (menuju manusia goa). man, can you imagine feeling alone, can't do anything, angry, tired at the age of 20?! rasanya campur aduk kalau ngeliat temen-temen, baik yang orang bandung ataupun bukan, tiap weekend hang out, nongkrong di tempat makan baru, going to club, take pictures, socialize. I DONT KNOW WHY, NO ONE FORBIDS ME TO GO OUT, NOT EVEN MY PARENTS, BUT IT JUST FEELS LIKE I CANT EVER BE LIKE THOSE PEOPLE I SEE. it feels like im stuck. stuck in very thick mud that i cant even move my feet. 

ive never been so depressed before. like i cry every at night, i feel excited in the morning, but then i feel angry for the rest of the day and crying again at night. every single day.

have you found a way out?

no, i havent. at this point, im not really sure if i will.